DIVORCE RITUAL OUTLINE
[You are welcome to use and personalize this
ritual of divorce. In its present form it is copyrighted by Rebecca
Armstrong and Brian Muldoon, so please do not republish it without giving
credit and a link back to this site. We are available to lead this ritual
for couples anywhere in the country. Thank you.]
Welcome & Introductions
Opening Ritual
(guided
meditation with trance drum – moving into sacred space; coming to the deep
hearts core; opening to healing resources within the self; safety in change;
willingness to let go of any beliefs that suffering is good or useful or
powerful; surrender to wise one within; return to joy; bright and beautiful
future)
The Centering Stories
R – Lucifer’s Love of God
and Fall from Grace
B – Unconditional Love
Brian and
Rebecca share their own divorce stories and some of their new understanding
of the nature of compassion and the Large Vision – how our personal lives
impact the world soul
The
Personal Stories
The
participants share as much of their personal stories as they feel
comfortable doing and make introductions around the circle.
Discovery of Gifts
Participants
move into reverie and address themselves now as their future selves to tell
the story: “What I received from this relationship.” The story may begin:
“______,
remember when you were married to _________? There were very important
reasons that you chose to fall in love with that person at that time of your
life. I honor you for having the courage to take that challenge into your
life at that time.
Tell me one
of the deep soul reasons that you chose to be married to that person……..
Now, tell me
some of the things you discovered about yourself because you were in
relationship with ______. …….
Name one of
the real gifts of wisdom that you are taking from this relationship……..
There are
many hidden gifts from this former love that will continue to come to light
over the years, as you are ready and able to see them. Allow yourself to
receive one of those hidden gifts right now……
Take a moment
to really accept the gifts of insight and wisdom that you received……..
Expression
of Gratitude
Each
participant takes a paper and writes down the gifts retrieved from the
relationship. Facing their former partner they look into each other’s eyes
and say:
“_________, I
thank you for having been in my life. I learned many things by being with
you, even through the pain and disappointments. Here is something that I
received from our relationship that I want to share with you….. “(share what
is written)
The former
partner responds very simply with, “Thank you for letting me know.”
They reverse
roles and the other shares.
Transition Story
R – shares
images and metaphors from The Call to Adventure and the pivotal moment of
every heroic adventure when something must be sacrificed in order to move
the story forward; quotes Campbell on sacrifice and bliss
B – leads meditation on
sacrifice of old ego to the new potential self
Rituals of
Letting Go (through the elements)
Fire/Anger –
poem:
participants
write down all old emotions of rage and anger, resentments, fantasies of
revenge, etc. Place paper into sealed envelope and burn it.
Water/Grief –
poem:
participants
write down on a bromide tablet a single word or draw a single image to
represent their deep grief over the loss of the marriage, then together we
throw the tablets into a large bowl of water and watch them dissolve
Air/Lies and
Illusions – poem:
participants
take drum (or pot, pan, spoons, etc.) and go to far reaches of park or yard
and shout away the lies that they heard and that they told, finding the
voice to speak from the heart once again.
Earth/Disappointment – poem: Antonio Machado, “The Beehive”
participants
draw or write the hopes they had about the marriage: growing old together,
retirement, 50th anniversary, etc. They wrap this paper around a
stone and bury it in the ground.
Personalized Rituals of Release
If couples
have called ahead of time with specific requests we will honor those
specific needs now, i.e. burning of old wedding photos, tearing up of
marriage vows, breaking or burying of wedding ring, etc.
(drive to
lake)...........................
Cleansing
Ritual (smudging, washing of hands)
Brian stands
holding a lit smudge stick and each participant walks through past to
receive the smudging, then goes on to where Rebecca stands with jug of water
which she pours onto their hands in ritual cleansing. They dry their hands
on a white towel and await the next step.
Blessing
Brian and
Rebecca stand on either side of the entrance to the pier and hand each
participant a handful of rose petals as they walk past. Walking to some
point along the pier, participants stand and gaze into the water and make a
final offering of forgiveness and self-blessing, then, while Rebecca sings a
hymn, everyone scatters the petals into the waves and watches while they
float away.
Closing
Rose & Helen
Luke quote – Brian and Rebecca stand again at the entrance to the pier and
hand each person a rose (with thorns!) and a scroll with Luke quote
Gifts to each
other – gathered at picnic tables, former partners stand across from
eachother and offer a token farewell gift
The Divorce
Cake – The cake (devil’s food with couple facing away from each other!) is
cut and everyone take a slice. For those feeling strong and fiesty enough to
do so, former partners may offer each other the first bite!
Hugs and Kisses and
everyone is free to leave ~
[copyright 1998 by Rebecca Armstrong and Brian Muldoon]
Props for Divorce Ritual
drum
paper
pens
envelopes
cauldron
charcoal
bromide tablets
small stones
large glass bowl
jug
towel
sage (smudge stick)
rose petals (and container)
roses
Luke quote prints
devil’s food cake
cider
plates, napkins, forks, cups
Rev. Rebecca
Armstrong |
